My brain needs clearing

My brain is a jumble.  Let me clear it.

While I don’t feel bad that I hate my cat, I feel bad admitting that I hate my cat.

I haven’t got this kiln to work yet.  And until I get it to work, I don’t want to start any new pieces for fear of them sitting around for an undetermined amount of time in a fragile greenware state.

I want to play roller derby.  I want more tattoos.  I want to have a tea party.  I want a rose garden.  I want to move.  I want to travel.  I want to know if my hair is turning gray yet.  I want to enjoy cooking & eating healthfully.  I want to not gag on cold salads.  I want some friends again.

I need to remind myself that I should have plenty of time to make most of these things happen, but I just do not work that way.  All these things circle me and scream at me.

Last, but not least, I wholly endorse the Springpad app/website.  It is very helpful when you have an insane amount of important things you want to remember to do.  Like make alien terrariums.

Blog confusion

I am keeping 2 blogs because I can’t decide which I like better. I really like WordPress and especially the ability to make posts private. ALSO: This used to be cthylla.wordpress.com. Now it is https://tentacledmonotony.wordpress.com.

I also really like the way my Blogger looks and I am shallow like that. That URL is http://tentacledmonotony.blogspot.com/

Also, someone warned me that Blogger likes to randomly delete blogs. So in any event, it can’t hurt to have posts going on both pages. Follow whichever one you like better. =)

I WANT A ZOMBIE FRIEND

Okay, I have known about this site since 1997 or so.  And have desperately wanted one ever since.  I am pretty sure these used to retail for like $1200 or so, because it was soooooo far out of my price range.

Or maybe they ALWAYS cost $500, but back then $500 seemed more like $1200.  Know what I mean?

Anyway, one day some random wonderful person will make this happen for me.  I love you in advance.

I have a big heart.  I can love two of them.

Spoiler: everybody lives

Fair warning: heavy family crap.  No promises as to this being the least bit interesting.

I act like a rock, but I am not one.  Well, maybe one of those “fool’s gold” rocks that flakes apart.

Scary Tentacle Man Update

UPDATE:  I refined it a bit, and am slowly drying it so that I can hollow it out.  Here’s a couple more:

Hippie shit & roller derby

So I am reading this book, “The Power of Now.” I am only up to chapter 3. There is a lot of mumbojumbo, and I am having a hard time sticking with it, but I’m committed. I like the idea of it, even if I can’t get over the vision of the author wearing lots of beads and flowy clothes. And burning a lot of incense.

Obviously, I don’t have much to report yet, but so far, it points out to separate “you” from your ever-chattering mind. To observe your thought processes as an outside entity… sort of interesting. “Negativity” counts as mind-chatter, and you are encouraged to quickly note a sudden turn of misery or moodiness. As a bystander, it’s a little easier to get to the root of things. I realize that made no sense, but like I said, I only read 2 chapters. Maybe my beads and flowy clothes still need to be earned.

My first sculpture in 16 years

Yes, I’m old.  And I’m only 34.  Weird.  I only feel old when muscles pop in my back or something.  I hate that.

Anyway, I got my clay, and set up shop in the basement.  I took over Justin’s “woodworking” space.  He can share.  A little dismal, but I don’t have many options.

I remember how to sculpt.  But it makes me sad that I have no one to ask all my little questions to.  Like what kind of clay should I be buying?  If I am supposed to keep the clay moist, why are my tentacles cracking?  I had the ultimate expert, but I’ve lost that opportunity.

I made this in about 1-2 hours.  I made something similar to this in high school, and Mr. Drake kept it in the school showcase forever.  When the high school moved, dumb football players were in charge of moving the sculptures, and they broke mine.  Jerks.

Rainbow Chiffon Cake <3

This cake blows my mind.  Want.  And thank you for typing this out, someone else.  🙂

Perpetually Engaged: frozen rainbow chiffon cake

I finally have something to say.

I lost someone very dear to me.  I had not contacted him in 10 years, but that love was not diminished by any amount of time or space.  When I learned of his death, I cried.  I cried for three days.  I am about to cry again.  Only now, almost a week later, can I find *any* words.  I wanted to write about him.  I wanted to post about my love on Facebook and share my memories with his family.  But I *couldn’t.*  I had nothing but choking pain.  Pain and regret for not working harder to stay in contact with him.  I really screwed up and let something precious slip through my fingers.